Okay, so I am starting to work on my perfectionism issues. I need to beat this beast back and take control of my life. But self-dobt is already starting to creep back in. I feel like I have picked the worst possible time to do this.
This year for uni I am doing my Field Education units. The last compulsory units I have for my degree. So I have to get out there and actually be around people. This is terrifying. For a start it means that my uni world will no longer revolve around my computer and a pile of books. I have to get out of my comfort zone and actually be around people. That is a really scary thought for me. i am used to all my uni stuff being nicely contained. Secondly, it is inevitable that I am going to not know what to do and to make mistakes. For me these things are.....terrifying. Uncertainty, being less than perfect, they make my skin crawl and I actually feel like I am going to throw up on the keyboard just thinking about them.
I guess in some ways it is a good thing that I am being forced out of my comfort zone. Knowing I am likely to feel lost and uncertain about things means I can prepare for them and start now at being kind to myself about it. Nobody at my host organisation is going to expect me to know everything. They are going to expect me to feel unsure and anxious. I just have to learn to sit with those feelings and not beat myself up for them. Maybe I need to create some strategies for dealing with it in myself. Hmmm...I will have to think about that one.
But in the meantime I am going to try and start by catching the negative self-talk that I seem to engage in so often. No more berrating myself when I make a mistake. I am not stupid or an idiot when I do, I have just made a mistake. Easy to say but I have a feeling it will be a lot harder to put into action.
Hey!
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It's so good to see other people speaking out to help break the silence.
I just wanted to say that I, too, berate myself when I make a mistake so I understand completely about trying to catch negative self talk. That's a big problem of mine.
Good luck with your field education units! I know it will be hard to get out of your comfort zone but you can do it!
Take care,
Sarah
You know, everyone makes mistakes. But what is good about learning things is just that, we LEARN from them. So don't beat yourself up for things you may make a mistake on. You are doing your best and should be proud of yourself for doing all you do. You are taking courses in school and have a family you're raising. You are what I refer to as a SUPER MOM.
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