I am waiting to head to my third doctors appointment in just under four weeks. I have been having joint pain; bad joint pain. So far I still have the pain but have no answers. Its making study near impossible and life pretty bloody awful. Chronic pain is something most people don't understand. The truth is that it affects every aspect of life and can make some people bloody unbearable. I have had it before and the depression that went with it was crippling. It was the deepest, blackest hole I have ever been in. My mum also had it and it scares me that I will end up like her. She was so demanding and self-centred. I couldn't do that to my kids. I refuse to. I wish I knew how to explain to people how scary this is, on top of the pain.When I do try I feel like such a drama queen and I hate it. I don't know where the line is between needing support and turning into a clone of my mother's sense of entitlement. And some of the things swirling around in my head are just not normal (well, normal for others. They seem to be for me). So I am going to see my doctor again, and risk being labeled as a hypochondriac. And next week I see my psychologist again, just to try and get on top of some of the things I am thinking and feeling.
I wish there was some way to explain all this properly but there isn't. Hopefully today's appointment will get me somewhere.
