I am so sick of the fact that the word victim has such negative connotations when it comes to people who have been raped or sexually abused, or lived with child abuse or domestic violence. My dictionary defines victim as "a sufferer from any destructive, injurious, or adverse action or agency." It doesn't say "....any destructive, injurious, or adverse action except for rape, sexual assault, child abuse or domestic violence." So why do we have such a hard time accepting that those of us who have experienced such things are NOT weak if we refer to ourselves as victims instead of survivors?
I believe it is because to be a victim is to essentially be a passive participant in these crimes, and that is seen as unacceptable. The verb of victim is victimise, and that is something that is done to us. The verb of survivor is survive, something that is seen as being an action we do ourselves. Passive participants in rape, sexual assault, child abuse and domestic violence are seen as weak, unable or unwilling to protect themselves, and therefore seen as bearing some level of responsiblity for what happened to them. Why else would the commonly heard questions about these crimes be directed at the victim's actions or inactions rather than the perpetrators?
Yet the same standards aren't applied to victims of other crimes. It is perfectly acceptable to be a victim of a hit-and-run, or of a bag snatch, or even of a mugging or random assault. Their passivity isn't disparaged. Their actions or inaction isn't studied under a microscope to ensure that they are worthy of our sympathy. We don't demand of them a certain level of sobriety, a particular mode of dress, an instant telling of what has occurred to someone, within minutes of it occurring. We don't expect them to define themselves as survivors just so as they can be seen as almost normal people recovering from something horrible.
So, I am reclaiming the word victim, in its truest sense. I have been a victim of rape and sexual assault, more than once. It does not mean that I am weak. It does not mean that I am fishing for sympathy. It does not mean that I am looking for special treatment. It does not mean that I am not a capable, intelligent, mostly happy human being with dreams, ideals, likes and dislikes. It simply means that I have been victimised by another person or people, in a situation in which I had no control. Yes, I survived and therefore can also be called a survivor. But it does not take away the fact that I have been a victim, and that it wasn't my fault.
