It's Christmas Eve and there are a lot of things going through my mind. Mostly my heart goes out to some of my darling friends who are struggling this year. But I am also think of those women who face this time of year with trepidation rather than the spirit of love that this season should be.
Christmas can be a very stressful time for those who are in violent relationships. Anything and everything can be a trigger for violence. Too many presents, not enough presents, the food served too early, not enough food or alcohol, things not being right. I used to dread Christmas. My ex would never participate in the buying and wrapping of presents, or even filling the kids Sant sacks. I did it all. And despite the fact it was just the four of us I was still expected to cook a full on traditional lunch. I hated it. There was not time to relax and enjoy the day with the kids. It wasn't uncommon for me to have at least one lot of tears during the day. And the aftermath was just as bad. the post-Christmas blues were severe. But I had it lucky. I never feared for my physical safety. Many others do.
Even after the marriage has ended it doesn't get a lot better. Christmas can mean forced contact with an abusive ex, always an opportunity for perpetuating abuse. Expensive presents can be used to try and buy a child's love. And, as in my case, it can mean being unable to spend the holiday with family. My family live too far away to make contact with them practical when I have to hand the kids over after lunch to their father But still, I am lucky. The abuse has ended, even if the consequences live on.
So when you are opening your presents and pulling your Christmas crackers keep an ear out. There may be a neighbour who needs your help to survive the day safely.
Merry Christmas.
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